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Sex, Love and Living Together

  Knowing when the time is right to live together under one roof can make difference between a great relationship and a total disaster.

Behavior experts know that many couples will eventually consider moving in with each other at some point in an ongoing, long-term relationship. However, those same behavioral researchers also recognize that making the move to live together is a huge decision and one that must be timed correctly or the results can be disastrous. Moving in together and living life as a full-time couple must be done when the time is exactly right if there is to be any chance at all that the couple will actually be able to live together in state of happy cohabitation. Knowing when the time is right to live together is a key element in the difference between a great live-in relationship and a total disaster. The trick is recognizing those signs in your relationship that might indicate you are actually ready for the big move.

Although it might sound counter intuitive, you might be ready to move in together if you do have a few reservations about giving up your current life. If you have a great life on your own that you are reluctant to give up, it can be a sign that living together will actually enhance your life because moving in with your boyfriend should not be viewed as something that completes your life. Instead, living together can improve your life when you and your boyfriend both feel like the move adds value and pleasure to both of your lives.

Being a bit nervous about moving in together can also be another good sign when you understand that choosing to live together is a big decision that will obviously impact the quality of your life. If you’re not nervous about the move at all, it can indicate that you are not really ready to live with another person 24 hours a day. The same value can apply to feeling pressure to move in together from your friends and relatives. If you feel pressure now, you may want to take more time to make the relationship work better and simply postpone the move-in for now and wait a bit longer until you feel more comfortable about the decision.

The same rule applies to any big disagreements or arguments in the past that your relationship has successfully weathered. If you’ve had a major disagreement and your relationship survived just fine, it can be a good indication that minor fights cannot derail your love life and that you are actually ready to live together as a couple under the same roof. The ability to recover from a major disagreement is essential for any couple considering any steps beyond living together too.

You’re might also be ready to live together if your relationship is beyond the initial “honeymoon phase” of the first six months to a year, and both partners agree that living together is not just about saving money either. You must be confident that moving in with your boyfriend has nothing to do with your finances, as saving money alone will not be enough to save a rocky relationship in the future. Instead, it is far better to discuss both of your expectations openly and honestly, and make sure you both fully understand exactly what moving in together will actually mean in the long term for your relationship. After all of those hurdles have been crossed, you should have a lot more confidence in the idea that living together is the right decision at the right time.

Image courtesy of Ed Yourdon


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